Oh Brother is proud to present this periods special Big Brother Editor and Convicted Felon, Doss LacIntosh.

There is no denying that the housemates are doing absolutely nothing for most of the day, sitting around, drinking, eating and sometimes communicating - generally the things a typical human would do. But in Doss's case, he's in charge of the fabulously fulfilling job that is editing 24-hour batches of the utterly mind numbing boring footage, and compressing it down to just thirty minutes of condensed fecial matter for playback on national commercial TV.

So how does he do it so quickly? The crew member of this period is Doss LacIntosh, responsible for pumping out five shows a week. We asked him a few questions for your entertainment.

So how did you manage to become part of Big Brother?
We'll I've been basically around here since the first Big Brother - The one with Sara Ann Marie. God there was some awful footage I had to go through, I can't believe people watched it - even after I had the chore of editing it to a level which wouldn't psychologically scar most people.

Doss becomes unresponsive for a minute or so.

Anyway. Before this I worked for A Current Affair. I've done a lot of live television and I do documentaries. That's what I've done for the last twenty years, really high-class/high-end television production. Respectable stuff.

Then I decided it'd be fun to commit career suicide, so I joined the Big Brother production fray. Hey, it was the only job going at centerlink at the time. Don't blame me. Blame Abnet for the whole idea.

What does a TV editor do?
Not a lot. Basically a constant stream of 'crap' as I like to say, which is the video from the big brother house, comes in from the cameras, it gets recorded on our day tapes, and it's then my job to go through this footage and search for anything interesting.

It's futile. It's like looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. But we keep on telling people that it's worth watching, and something will appear.

The setup I use is a modern 33Mhz 486 running Windows 95 and MS-Paint. I arrange the material from the camera footage into a sequence of bitmaps, which forms an out-of-context storyline for public viewing - basically whatever Plator Abnet wants to mindwash the audience with.

What is your typical day like?
We do a 14 to 16hour shifts, starting at 4:00am and going through to 4:00pm or 6:00pm. I could come in later, but I have nothing better to do anyway. Generally most of the interesting stuff is condensed on-the-fly by our day 'producers'/janitors, then at about 4:00am they come here with a daily rundown and we start to put the whole program together. Fascinating stuff really.

We then do a trial run at around lunch time with Plator, and Khris, they tell us what to include and/or exclude for maximum reality distortion. I mean we have to make Frank look bad within the house to get him voted off right? Hell, we sometimes use footage from other days just to add a bit of spice.

Why does Plator and Khris have to direct you guys so much?
Donno. They are are pretty control-freakish if you ask me.

Does your job ever get stressful?
When Plator starts having one of those hissy fits, it can get a little stressful. Other than that, I pretend to work - they pretend to pay me.

Is it getting easier after three years?
Yep. I've refined the art of looking productive even more now.

So what's with the felony?
Well to get into a Big Brother production crew situation you have to have some kind of criminal record, second to drug trafficing - you just can't be a loyal citizen of the state and expect to be able work here.

Personally I was convicted of Child Pr0n production and distribution, but that was three years ago. Many of my co-workers are the same - most of the camera crew have been busted for stalking. As for Plator Abnet, I'll skip history. But yeah...

Just to finish up. What would be the best part of your job?
Taking the unedited BB footage home and watching it in my spare time.. and having 'exclusive' printouts of Joe all over my walls. It's great.